Rochelle was recently diagnosed with ADHD. Her lack of attentiveness has been an issue since she was little and we’ve struggled through these last few years trying to get her evaluated and diagnosed. Lyme Central finally helped us.
We’ve chosen family therapy because I’m adamant about not medicating kids with such strong drugs if there are alternative methods. In my view, teaching how to function with herself will last her a lifetime, while drugs will only make a “fix” temporary. And making my kid a zombie isn’t a solution.
So, today was her first visit to her psychologist. It was mostly chatting to get to know each other, but he did give me some props for how I’ve been handling things. Parenting experts always stress how important it is to be firm and consistent and I’ve never had any luck with that when it comes to Rochelle. I have found things to go much more smoothly if I let things slide a little.
Example 1: Asking her to clean up a room and giving her a consequence if it’s not completed. If she gets half of the job done, it’s OK to accept it and reward her.
Example 2: I ask her to do something and she isn’t able to grasp it. She’ll fiddle with a little bit of everything or stare at it. (This is often times when the job involves a lot of ’stuff’) If she can’t concentrate at the moment and it doesn’t need to be done right now, leave it and ask when she is calmer.
In the past, I have found that if I expect her to completely clean a room, without me standing over her, it’s always ended in a screaming match… or me yelling in frustration and tossing toys into garbage bags while she begs me to give her another chance.
I think this has lead to her poor self-esteem and lack of pride. She always thinks that she hasn’t done well enough. I’ve heard her say, “I’m stupid” “I can’t do it” “I’m not smart enough” “It’s too much for me”. It breaks my heart because I know she can do it or what she has done is phenomenal.
I also have a rule about warning my kids. If they’re outside playing… “You girls have 15 more minutes and then it’s time to come in.” If we need to leave to go somewhere… “Start getting ready to go… we’re leaving in 15 minutes.” And if I’m on top of my game that day, I’ll give them a five minute warning as well. The psychologist confirmed (not that I needed the confirmation, but it’s nice to hear) that it’s a good idea. I understand that it takes them time to redirect them to other things and I give leeway for that.
In a couple of weeks we’ll be visiting him again and he plans to do some IQ testing with her. He doesn’t believe she is low functioning. He wants to see how she handles the structure and just observe her in general. Hopefully, the doctor will be able to provide is with some methods to helping Rochelle redirect herself. I don’t mind doing it, but she’s getting older, she should be able to be more independent.
